Hello, I’m London, and this is my story. I got diagnosed with cancer for the first time at 10-months-old. Because I was so young, I didn’t understand cancer for a long time. How much it really affects someone’s life.

On September 3, 2024, I got diagnosed with a different cancer. I was over 10-years cancer-free at that point. I was finally living my life. When the doctors told me, I didn’t know what to do. I felt so weak. I felt strong before I got the news. But then, I felt so lost. I didn’t even cry. My head was too busy thinking. I felt really empty for a while. I looked in the mirror, and it wasn’t me looking back. I saw someone new. At that time, I didn’t understand why I deserved this. Knowing there was nothing I could do.

My parents sat there with me the whole time. My mom helped me wash and brush my hair because I was just in too much pain to do it myself. My dad wiped my nose because I couldn’t. They held me when I woke up from trembling nightmares. They pushed my wheelchair around the hospital just to get me out of bed. Seeing the sick little kids reminded me of my first time around. If they could smile, so could I. I changed after cancer. Unfortunately, it does change you. It’s your job to choose how it changes you. I chose for it to make me a stronger person. It took me time to get back to myself. From learning how to walk again, eat again, even speak again.

This story isn’t supposed to make you sad or feel bad. It’s just my story. People don’tunderstand saying sorry and showing pity makes me feel weak. I just wanted people to look me in the eyes and say, “London, you got this. You’re strong!” Seeing me family cry is a guilt no one understands. Telling people not to visit you because you have no “energy,” when really you don’t want to see anymore tears may seem selfish. It was hard for me to tell people I didn’t want to see them - people I missed more than anything. I just couldn’t look in their eyes and tell them I’d be okay when I didn’t even know if I should believe that myself.

No one really understands the guilt, the fear, the emptiness…unless they went through it. Knowing you shouldn’t ask for more medicine because it’s making you weak. But being in so much pain you can’t even sleep. That’s the guilt. Not being able to eat or drink. Not knowing if you’re going to be alive tomorrow. That’s the fear. Not even recognizing yourself. Looking in the mirror seeing a bag of bones. With wires and tubes hanging from that bag of bones. Going home from the hospital, not loving the same things you once did - food, hobbies, sounds, smells. That’s the emptiness.

Not recognizing myself is something I still can’t get past. I’m still finding myself again. I wish I remembered who I was before. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I created a newer, stronger version of myself. I found things I enjoy again. Yes, it might feel scary,but that’s how you know it’s worth it.

Take this as a sign to stay strong no matter who you are. Tell your family not to worry. I wish I did things differently. Who knows…maybe I’ll be able to find myself again. I know I can’t change the past. But maybe we can all change our future.

Written by London

Please consider helping children with cancer and others in our community by scheduling a blood donation at Miller-Keystone Blood Center: https://donor.giveapint.org/donor/schedules/zip